Thursday 1/29

Natalie slept all day yesterday. So late in the afternoon, I slipped through the back of the wardrobe out of the magical but less-than-enchanting world of the hospital and back into the real world of the outside. It's always hard to leave even when I know she's asleep. I kept lingering in her room saying goodbye and giving her little kisses on her arm. Her nurse could tell I was hesitant to go and she told me she would keep an extra close eye on her while I was gone. When I finally left and was driving home I thought of the rest of my family waiting and I drove a little faster because I was anxious to see them. Back and forth. Back and forth. Do I want to go or stay? I turned on one of my favorite mix CD's for the drive and rocked out all the way home. It was a good release to let the music take me back to the more carefree days of young single life.

Of course when I called to check on Natalie later her nurse said she was wide awake looking around the room. She said that earlier she had a feeding and drifted off to sleep on her own without any morphine. I never thought I'd be saying, "Yeah! She sleeps without morphine." I can't even imagine all the drugs she's had.

I hate to say it, but it has gotten easier to let go and accept the fact that she is in good hands even if I'm not there. I'm anxious to get back and be with her but it has been soooo good to be at home for a day. It really helps to hear that she is content and happy. Still, I need to be there.... I'll head back after Ben gets off work today.

Last night Annabelle was shrieking about something and normally we don't pay much heed to her tantrums. I was holding her and Ben wanted me to put her down since she was throwing a fit but I told him that I had had enough of not holding my crying babies. I held her and babied her and let her cry until she finally calmed down. That was as much for me as for her.

The girls and I have played a lot of running around and tickling. I've missed them! I feel like they grow up so much in the couple of days that I don't see them. They both crack me up. Such cute, funny girls.

I hate to say it but Katie and Annabelle seem to be adjusting well to my not being around as much. They definitely do not seem as stressed or "off" as they did that first week. We've had them back and forth--spending some nights at Grandma and Grandpa's house and some nights here at home with my Mom coming over during the day. I'm really glad that they have found a comfort zone in all this. It has such a blessing to have my parents close by.

Seems like all my girls are handling it well when I'm not there--that's supposed to be good news, right?

Photo Update:

Annabelle LOVES books. Here she is reading with my Mom. I haven't taken a lot of pictures of Natalie because they all look pretty much like this. I'll try to get some more of her awake. Notice the little pink bow she's wearing. One of the nurses did that for her. She's got some yellow stuff on her face leftover from the OR...iodine?? I was able to wipe that off later.
Can I say enough about the great nurses we've had?? One of them helped Natalie leave this note for me. Little things like that make all the difference.

I was gone for this picture but I think they may have been playing hide and seek. I thought Ben said they hid under the sink in the bathroom but maybe he said the tub. It took him a full 10 minutes to find them. They are holding their packs of oatmeal for breakfast.
Such cuteness.